Issues in Family Violence

Winter 2005

Imagine A Community

David Mandel

As a trainer and presenter, I usually have multiple objectives when I am in front of an audience. I want to provide information about batterers, how they affect children and the nature and effectiveness of batterer intervention strategies. Another objective I feel very passionate about is promoting a vision of how change is possible-how we need to envision a different paradigm for our families, for our institutions and our communities. When we are talking about changing a cultural paradigm of male dominance, violence and control , theories and information are important. Inspiration and vision is vital. Toward that end, a few years ago I began weaving the following thought experiment into some of my presentations. If it is inspiring to you feel free to pass it on to others.

I’d like you to imagine a community where:

Everyone holds batterers accountable.

The police and criminal courts work to arrest and prosecute domestic violence offenders.

The child protection agency has policies that focus on intervening with the batterer to stop the harm to the children.

The doctors in emergency rooms regularly screen for the perpetration of battering when someone presents with a broken hand or other similar injury.

Imagine a community where:

Primary care clinics ask their patients about how they handle their anger and help them make the connection between being abusive, their health and the health of their children.

Mental health professionals ask all their new clients about whether they have physically hurt, threatened or abused a loved one.

Pediatricians talk to all new fathers about how domestic violence can harm children.

A father who needs help with parenting or is worried about abusing his child can call a hotline 24 hours a day to get help.

A public health campaign sends a message to batterers and men at risk for battering, through ads and billboards, that their violence against their partner is harming their children.

Imagine a community where:

Religious leaders speak from their pulpits to the batterers in their community about how violence and abuse against their loved ones is a sin and should stop.

Substance abuse programs ask about the perpetration of domestic violence and include the cessation of battering in recovery plans.

Family courts have the appropriate resources to evaluate the risk batterers represent to their children in order to assess the appropriateness of visitation and custody for batterers.

Children can have safe, supervised contact with a parent who has been violent.

Imagine a community where:

Juvenile courts aggressively intervene with batterers so that children may remain in the home and with the non-offending parent/victim.

Batterer intervention programming addresses the topics of co-parenting, child abuse and the effects of domestic violence on the children.

Boys are mentored into non-violence and respect for women by their fathers, uncles, schoolteachers and all the important men in their lives.

The community works together to achieve these goals, regardless of culture, race, language, class or other differences.

Imagine a community where everyone holds batterers accountable.

Now imagine a family that you have worked with that has been touched by domestic violence. Then ask yourself what would have been different in their lives if they lived in this community. And if those differences seem positive and important, then our job, your job, is to figure out how to create this community.

(c) 2005, The Non-Violence Alliance. Permission to reprint with the following information "Originally published in Issues in Family Violence, Volume 5, Issue 3 Winter 2005, The Non-Violence Alliance, www.endingviolence.com."